I thought I was growing.

I thought I was stronger than the person I was last year.

I thought I’ve already dug up my deep hidden emotions and dealt with it.

I thought I was ready to take over the world.

If that’s the case….

Then why do I sit here sad and crying.

Why am I feeling sorry for myself because I chose this path.

Why does it hurt so much, when you didn’t even do anything to hurt me.

I thought holding back would save me the pain, it totally backfired and now I’m left to pick up the pieces again.

I’m told constantly that I’m a strong, independent person, but why do I feel so week and vulnerable? What does it even mean to be strong?


Here we go again.

This feeling in the pit of my stomach is all too real right now. I’m sadly familiar to this feeling and I can’t simply ignore it. Every time I try to ignore this feeling, it comes back to bite me in the ass.

Yes, I like you. Is the feeling mutual? Who knows. Again, I’m given confusing signals that can be interpreted in numerous ways.

I don’t like confusion.

I don’t like grey area.

I don’t like wishy-washy.

I like honesty.

I just simply have to remind myself that I have a lot on my plate and I can’t allow my feelings into this mess. I don’t have the emotional capacity to deal with this right now.

Stay strong, Patsy Anne. You’ve come this far, let’s see how much further you can go.

Day 2 of 100

So… I was inspired by one of my faves on being active for 100 days straight. You would think I would have started January 1, because it perfectly landed on a Monday, but life happens and here we are. My goals & intentions for all this is to bring back positive physical activity into my life.

The past 6 months life has been nothing but trials of my patience, mental strength, sanity & physical challenges in the not so positive way. I’ve gotten sick twice since November, when I usually only get sick maybe once a year. I lack energy daily and rely on substances (both legal & illegal) to either give keep me up or allow me to sleep. My diet…. forget about it. There are days when I’m so busy, I just forget to eat, which is quickly followed up with rationalizing: “it’s ok if I eat from 2 fast food places today, I didn’t eat yesterday.”

This isn’t me. This isn’t the life I want to live. Everyday I can feel the stress slowly tear away at my entire being, hoping the current challenging situation isn’t the one to give me a stroke or a heart attack. I need to stop this cycle before I wake up one day over 200 lbs, having a hard time getting out of bed.

And so now begins my journey….

I don’t have an exact format just yet of how I want to do this. My main goal is to do one form of at least 30.Yesterday was Day 1 of 40 days, so I figured that would be the most perfect time to start my personal physical challenge. At least there is something to hold me accountable for the first 40 days. I took Brett Alt’s 9:30am class at Montrose. His voice is always the most peaceful voice to hear on a Monday morning.

Workout 1: 3 mile run
Time: 8:00 AM
Location: Buffalo Bayou

This run was hard. I haven’t felt this out of shape in a long time. I woke up with sore shoulders trying to remember why they felt so tight… oh yeah, I did yoga yesterday. I thought I would be able to survive 3 miles, I mean come on, it’s just 3 miles. Boy was I wrong. I decided after the first 5 minutes, this was going to be the run/walk to get me started again. Sucks to always have to start from the bottom, but this is what I get for allowing myself to get to this point. All G… I finished it with a 3 minute climb up a slow treacherous hill. I could barely catch my breathe at the top, but I was happy to have accomplished it.

Workout 2: Yoga
Time: 9:30 AM
Location: Big Power Yoga – Montrose

Yoga was challenging. Not necessarily difficult, but challenging because my shoulders and arms were sore from the day before. All I kept thinking the entire time how hard it was to try to get back into the swing of things. I hate when I allow myself to let go sometimes and we end up in a situation like today… starting from the bottom (again). It’s ok, I made it and survived Day 2.

Yes, it’s tofu!

Day 16 of 31

So, I’m more than halfway through this journey. My posts haven’t been as frequent as they were at the start. It’s hard to keep up with this and worry about everything else in life. Plus, not much has really changed to report about.

Yesterday, I had to run a few errands before our shift got too crazy. During that time of course, I was famished so I decided to go for a food run as well. I asked my workers if they wanted anything and they declined. I approached another friend and asked if he wanted food as well. The first thing he was asked if I was going for healthy or otherwise. I wasn’t sure if he was aware of my current diet so I told him healthy, since I’m trying to be vegan for now. He thought about it and said, “Ok! Get me whatever you get, I’ll try something vegan.”

It’s really hard to find filling fast food that’s vegan. I was on the phone with another worker and he was eating with my brother at Chipotle, so I remembered that they can cater to vegans. I made 2 orders of the exact same thing and made my way back to work. We can get pretty busy there, so I dropped off the food and made my way back to the truck. About 30 minutes later, I get this text:

Is that tofu? That’s really good.

Yes my dear, that was tofu and I’m glad you liked it! I love it when people are open to new and different things to them, you’ll be surprised at what you will discover!

Kinda Over It

Day 14 of 31

I haven’t really been blogging my experiences lately. Honestly, it’s not as exciting to me anymore and I’m kinda getting over it. I just get tired of cooking, meal planning and starving. It’s really is hard to be hungover as a vegan, all I want is a bacon cheeseburger and fries.

Lately there have been 2 things coming up for me.

  1. This lifestyle and the people in it are way too judgmental. I know there are extremes in every group, but it feels as if there are more extremes in this lifestyle. I mean I get it. I understand why people chose this way of life, but damn, just because people don’t feel the same as you doesn’t make them any less than you are.
    • I recently posted in my “Vegan for Beginners” group on facebook. I simply explained that I wanted to incorporate vegan options for the Sticky’s restaurant. I quickly got reprimanded and this person said, “If you’re truly trying to understand the vegan mind it’s probably best to not refer to it as a diet.”
      • FIRST OF ALL: RELAX and get off your high horse. You restrict from eating certain things…. that’s a diet. Diet defined – (1) the kinds of food that a person, animal, or community habitually eats. (2) a special course of food to which one restricts oneself, either to lose weight or for medical reasons.
      • SECOND OF ALL: You’re lucky someone is taking into consideration your way of eating so that you don’t walk into a restaurant and just order fries because that’s the only non-animal product on he menu.
      • THIRD OF ALL: Not EVERYONE is vegan because they love animals, some have no choice because of health reasons.
    • Reading through people’s postings via reddit or my Facebook group, instead of embracing curious individuals, the hard core people totally judge and chastise others for either not understanding or believing what this lifestyle is about. I mean I get it, animals are creatures too and should not be treated cruelly, but damn humans are people and you shouldn’t make them feel bad for not knowing what you know.
    • Catholics, as strict as this kind of lifestyle Catholicism is, at least they’re a little more embracing and compassionate towards others, especially to those who are genuinely trying.
  2. No one really cares about vegan diets. I’ve been eating at restaurants lately because I’m tired of cooking or I don’t have time. – My options have been crappy.
    • This is what I ate at a Mexican restaurant because I basically didn’t have better choices: chips, salsa, Mexican rice and veggies. I mean I guess I could have had beans.
    • My worker ordered a “vegetarian gyro” from another food truck and this is what she was given: pita bread stuffed with nothing but cheap French fries, a sloppily cut tomatoes, red onions, smothered in whatever white sauce. – YUCK. I mean, is it too hard to throw in a falafel? Sheesh…
    • I ate at a vegan buffet yesterday and it’s so expensive! I paid almost $30 for 2 people vs. I can go to an unhealthy Chinese buffet and pay $20 for 2 people, drinks included! Come on man, you can buy a huge bag of salad at Restaurant Depot for $10 and it’s good enough to feed 5 people, but a buffet filled with nothing but fruits and vegetables – let’s raise the prices! Meat is so much more expensive to cultivate and harvest, but cheaper for the consumer? I just don’t get it.

I’m honestly over this lifestyle. I would never call myself a “vegan.” The people behind this concept/lifestyle might be compassionate towards animals, but they are not compassionate towards others. The negative people behind this movement is enough to cause me to stay away from this lifestyle. They shove information down others throats and make others feel bad for choosing a different lifestyle. Even the current Pope is now accepting of Gays & Lesbians, but vegans consider folks who eat meat as the devil. One girl in the facebook group simply asked how a vegan diet has improved other’s mental health because she has a history of mental health issues. Another vegan, instead of being supportive basically lectured her on how because she was a meat eater, that’s why she had mental health issues to begin with. — WHAT IN THE FUCK.

At the end of the day, I’m over it. September 1st couldn’t come any faster.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m still compassionate towards people who choose to eat this way. I don’t think it’s fair to go out to eat with your friends and you have to choose another place because of one’s diet. I feel like everyone should have the opportunity to enjoy food, vegan or not. Vegans should be able to happily eat at an omni restaurant as well as an omni should be able to enjoy vegan food. I dunno… maybe trying to merge different eaters together is too big of a daunting task.

Positive Vibes

Day 8 of 31

Yesterday was probably the best “vegan day” I’ve had. I’m starting to notice the positivity I’ve been getting from people around me. I didn’t announce it, but I do have an IG page that showcases some of my vegan meals as well as a pictorial account of my experience. I  do post some of my vegan meals on my IG stories, but never really announced that I was going vegan for a month.

When I first started this, I really didn’t know what to expect. I honestly kept it to myself because I thought people would judge me or think I’m just trying to join another diet fad. I really just wanted to lose a little weight, eat cleaner and open my eyes to a vegan menu for our up and coming restaurant. Lately, I’ve been getting a lot of messages from friends via IG either asking or checking in on this venture. I’ve had at least 4 people who have told me they’ve been wanting to try vegan a diet, but didn’t know how to start. My mom even has been texting me that her and my dad are eating better. I just received a text from her with pictures of all the meatless things she just purchased. I love inspiring people, but I had no idea I would be able to via my personal journey!

Yesterday I made one of the most filling vegan meals ever! I was literally stuffed after I ate my vegan bowl. Then later on, a friend and I went to eat at an Indian restaurant and it was cool to see a lot of vegan options on the menu. This was my first time since I’ve started this to go to a restaurant as a vegan.

All the encouragement and positive vibes I’ve been getting recently has truly kept me going!

It Gets Easier

Day 8 of 31

Yesterday was a pretty decent day. Snacks on hand really help out. I was hungry when I needed to be and I had something to eat to help keep me satisfied. My fave protein bar and easy go to snack right now is Clif Bar – Crunchy Peanut Butter.

I don’t think I’ve ever really eaten this much in my life. I’m so hungry all the time and I have so much food in my fridge. I guess this is how a cow feels constantly grazing.